I'm craving a pumpkin spice latte.

This chilly weather makes my soul feel all warm. Fall is my most favorite season of all! I love the smells and the cool crispness. That incredibly smell of pumpkin bread. And I'm positive coffee tastes the best the last few months of the year. Although, I do love newness that comes with Spring, the bright colors and sun kissed skin, I can't help but relish in my fall day in May.

How I'm choosing to enjoy my fake fall day:

1. Listening to the Welcome Wagon--there's just something so holidayish about them that makes me want to listen to them when it feels like this outside.

2. Drink more coffee than normal.

3. Studying in bed rather than at my desk--yes, I know this is less productive.

4. Take a walk outside while wearing a light sweater--instead of a tank top and shorts.

I know the 90-something degree weather will be back before I know it, so I will enjoy this 50-something degree weather while I can.

Wait...you're calling me where..?

42 days until I will be on plane flying towards Kenya, Africa. What the what? Am I excited? Yes, but mostly terrified. I think it's good for me though. To feel incredibly incompetent. I think it's good for me that right now I am confident I could not do this alone. That I am in terrible need of my Jesus to guide me through these 7 weeks this summer. Too often I forget the need for him. God again and again is putting me in these situations that force to me surrender and cling to his cross. So yes, I am fearful but on the road to his contentment. I am learning what it means to not dwell in these fears, open my eyes and see how huge and righteous our God is.

Jesus, let me not shudder at my worldly fears. Open my eyes to see your mighty hand in my life. I know you have called me here and you promise that you will never leave me. Give me a heart that is abundant in trust and faith. Give me a heart that overflows with hope even as I see this world's injustice. Teach me to be your hands and feet this summer.

amen.

The sweet taste of fresh air.

To say the least, this past semester was a seriously crazy time in my life. It was one of those semesters where almost every week I successfully felt exhausted 5 out 5 weekdays. The good news is that there is rest after the storm! I’m now very happy to say that I am a part-time student this semester. It’s definitely not what I originally planned for but after some serious yanking and pulling, God regained control of my life. It’s so funny to me that at first glance when life throws me for a loop it seems absolutely devastating and it feels like God just wants me to suffer and never get my way. The even funnier thing is that statement is partially true. No, God doesn’t want me to be miserable, but by His grace he wants His will fulfilled in my life. He knows what is best for me and knows when my life needs rearranging. I did have to suffer and still at times I feel the sting, but I know there will be fruit from this life pruning. Paul talks over and over about how we must suffer for sake of the gospel. In the same way I think there are times we have to endure (even if it may not be the way we wanted it to go) to follow the path God wants for us. As I was able to gather back my rationality it was easy to see that He knows a crazy amount more about what I need in my life. I needed rest. I needed humility and a change in my selfish heart. I needed to let go of my idolized throne of academic achievement. I needed to put my calling of nursing school on hold and leave room for my heart to be nurtured by his Spirit and challenged to grow greater self-discipline in my faith.

Just a few ways Jesus has already blessed me in my semester of rest and growth:

I get to participate in Students Training in Missions (STiM) where I am already being challenged to bring some sins out to the light that I was holding on to. I’m growing a greater heart for the nations and have a better understanding of God’s plan of salvation. One of the neatest parts of this gift is I will be tentatively going to Kenya this summer for 7 weeks!

I have time to knit! Knitting is something I was able to learn my freshman year of college thanks to my friend Corey who is an AWESOME and patient teacher. Ever since learning the basics, I’ve wanted to make it more of a hobby and become a better knitter (I’m being serious y’all. I’m pretty much a grandma at heart). This is the first time since then that I have had a substantial amount of time to do this and I’m so ridiculously excited about it!

I get to rest. Thank you Jesus for a normal sleeping schedule. It makes my body and mood very happy.

He blessed me with an awesome job. I have the opportunity this semester to work with a great family in helping care for their disabled son. God has given me a huge heart for those with disabilities and being able to work with him makes my heart happy and it is exciting to do something that will in some ways prepare me for nursing school.

I have time/energy to blog again! Keep me accountable y’all!

I get to lead a prayer group for my InterVarsity fellowship starting next week. God has given me a serious passion for prayer. I love praying for others and love spending time growing in intimacy with the Holy Spirit. It is an undeserving gift God gives us. I’m so thankful that He allows us to talk to Him and He then responds back! Seriously awesome.

I get to read! I’m so excited to cross a bunch of books off my list that I’ve been wanting to read for awhile.

More time with my roommates. It was really hard last semester because it felt like I wasn’t home much. I’m still away from the apartment quite a bit but it has already been a blessing to sit down and just spend time with these awesome ladies I live with. They are such great women of God and give me so much wisdom and encouragement. I see a bunch of girlie movie watching happening in the near future.

Seriously, this list could go on for a lot longer but I think you get the point.

One last final thing I’d like to share. In one of the first couple of weeks of being back in Austin this semester, one of the pastors at the Austin Stone taught a sermon on suffering. He says that suffering purges the truth from our hearts. That suffering isn’t prejudice and we all have to endure it at some point. If through our suffering the gospel should be advanced, then we ourselves need to be preaching the gospel to ourselves every single day so that this can be done. My personal self-preaching that could probably sum up this journey I’m on is:

“Self, God allowed this to happen; therefore I will trust Him.”