I'm craving a pumpkin spice latte.

This chilly weather makes my soul feel all warm. Fall is my most favorite season of all! I love the smells and the cool crispness. That incredibly smell of pumpkin bread. And I'm positive coffee tastes the best the last few months of the year. Although, I do love newness that comes with Spring, the bright colors and sun kissed skin, I can't help but relish in my fall day in May.

How I'm choosing to enjoy my fake fall day:

1. Listening to the Welcome Wagon--there's just something so holidayish about them that makes me want to listen to them when it feels like this outside.

2. Drink more coffee than normal.

3. Studying in bed rather than at my desk--yes, I know this is less productive.

4. Take a walk outside while wearing a light sweater--instead of a tank top and shorts.

I know the 90-something degree weather will be back before I know it, so I will enjoy this 50-something degree weather while I can.

Wait...you're calling me where..?

42 days until I will be on plane flying towards Kenya, Africa. What the what? Am I excited? Yes, but mostly terrified. I think it's good for me though. To feel incredibly incompetent. I think it's good for me that right now I am confident I could not do this alone. That I am in terrible need of my Jesus to guide me through these 7 weeks this summer. Too often I forget the need for him. God again and again is putting me in these situations that force to me surrender and cling to his cross. So yes, I am fearful but on the road to his contentment. I am learning what it means to not dwell in these fears, open my eyes and see how huge and righteous our God is.

Jesus, let me not shudder at my worldly fears. Open my eyes to see your mighty hand in my life. I know you have called me here and you promise that you will never leave me. Give me a heart that is abundant in trust and faith. Give me a heart that overflows with hope even as I see this world's injustice. Teach me to be your hands and feet this summer.

amen.

The sweet taste of fresh air.

To say the least, this past semester was a seriously crazy time in my life. It was one of those semesters where almost every week I successfully felt exhausted 5 out 5 weekdays. The good news is that there is rest after the storm! I’m now very happy to say that I am a part-time student this semester. It’s definitely not what I originally planned for but after some serious yanking and pulling, God regained control of my life. It’s so funny to me that at first glance when life throws me for a loop it seems absolutely devastating and it feels like God just wants me to suffer and never get my way. The even funnier thing is that statement is partially true. No, God doesn’t want me to be miserable, but by His grace he wants His will fulfilled in my life. He knows what is best for me and knows when my life needs rearranging. I did have to suffer and still at times I feel the sting, but I know there will be fruit from this life pruning. Paul talks over and over about how we must suffer for sake of the gospel. In the same way I think there are times we have to endure (even if it may not be the way we wanted it to go) to follow the path God wants for us. As I was able to gather back my rationality it was easy to see that He knows a crazy amount more about what I need in my life. I needed rest. I needed humility and a change in my selfish heart. I needed to let go of my idolized throne of academic achievement. I needed to put my calling of nursing school on hold and leave room for my heart to be nurtured by his Spirit and challenged to grow greater self-discipline in my faith.

Just a few ways Jesus has already blessed me in my semester of rest and growth:

I get to participate in Students Training in Missions (STiM) where I am already being challenged to bring some sins out to the light that I was holding on to. I’m growing a greater heart for the nations and have a better understanding of God’s plan of salvation. One of the neatest parts of this gift is I will be tentatively going to Kenya this summer for 7 weeks!

I have time to knit! Knitting is something I was able to learn my freshman year of college thanks to my friend Corey who is an AWESOME and patient teacher. Ever since learning the basics, I’ve wanted to make it more of a hobby and become a better knitter (I’m being serious y’all. I’m pretty much a grandma at heart). This is the first time since then that I have had a substantial amount of time to do this and I’m so ridiculously excited about it!

I get to rest. Thank you Jesus for a normal sleeping schedule. It makes my body and mood very happy.

He blessed me with an awesome job. I have the opportunity this semester to work with a great family in helping care for their disabled son. God has given me a huge heart for those with disabilities and being able to work with him makes my heart happy and it is exciting to do something that will in some ways prepare me for nursing school.

I have time/energy to blog again! Keep me accountable y’all!

I get to lead a prayer group for my InterVarsity fellowship starting next week. God has given me a serious passion for prayer. I love praying for others and love spending time growing in intimacy with the Holy Spirit. It is an undeserving gift God gives us. I’m so thankful that He allows us to talk to Him and He then responds back! Seriously awesome.

I get to read! I’m so excited to cross a bunch of books off my list that I’ve been wanting to read for awhile.

More time with my roommates. It was really hard last semester because it felt like I wasn’t home much. I’m still away from the apartment quite a bit but it has already been a blessing to sit down and just spend time with these awesome ladies I live with. They are such great women of God and give me so much wisdom and encouragement. I see a bunch of girlie movie watching happening in the near future.

Seriously, this list could go on for a lot longer but I think you get the point.

One last final thing I’d like to share. In one of the first couple of weeks of being back in Austin this semester, one of the pastors at the Austin Stone taught a sermon on suffering. He says that suffering purges the truth from our hearts. That suffering isn’t prejudice and we all have to endure it at some point. If through our suffering the gospel should be advanced, then we ourselves need to be preaching the gospel to ourselves every single day so that this can be done. My personal self-preaching that could probably sum up this journey I’m on is:

“Self, God allowed this to happen; therefore I will trust Him.”

10 things I hate about packing tape

I hate the way you to stick to yourself

and everything else in the way

I hate that your end is impossible to find

and how your split and tear and never seem to stay

I hate that obnoxious sound you make

and the way you read my mind

I hate you so much it makes me sick

it even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh

even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around

and the fact you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you

not even close

not even a little bit

not even at all

Moving sucks and cheap packing tape really takes the cake for making it one of my least favorite things in the world. I couldn't actually think of 10 things I hated about packing tape, so naturally I stole the rest of the poem from "10 Things I Hate About You." Thank you Julia Stiles for making this blog post possible through your expression of how much you lovingly hate Heath Ledger.

I still love this movie y'all!

You were marked in him with a seal

I am discovering more and more how important it is for me not only to be studying scripture by myself but also with someone else. It's so neat to me how when I let my jumbled thoughts loose and voice them out loud to someone else, they seem to settle more gently with me rather than their usual uneasiness. But it doesn't finish there. When people respond and then confess their heart, I am spurred on and encouraged in my faith. What a concept.

Tonight, Chris and I ventured down to Quack's, our favorite coffee shop/tasty bakery. Over americanos, a sugared cinnamon roll (yum!), and a gingerbread cookie, we started studying Ephesians together. Needless to say, I am already really enjoying it and seeing the benefit of doing it. Good idea, Chris :) We ended our time reading and questioning each other with trivial pursuit cards. I would say we are both now experts on 90s pop culture and politics. Try us!

Strip away my calloused heart

Why is being consistent with things I don't want in my life so much easier than with things I do. I figure if my true desire is to live this way, I would live it out. For some reason, It doesn't work that way. Lord, I need to hear your voice louder. I need to hear your convictions loud and clear. I hate living in vain. I need something more fulfilling this. Help?

Good-bye stress fest, you are no longer welcome here.

finals. check.

RECweek. check.

Begin Summer craziness. Check.

Getting finished with finals is always so gratifying. As soon as I stepped out of that room where I was taking my microbiology final, it felt like I had breathed for the first time in a week and a half. It really was a wonderful day...I woke up that morning and there was that perfect Texas sunshine outside. I felt like I really could not study much more for micro, so I decided to just briefly look over stuff and relax up until my final. I took a walk along the drag, which I rarely ever do...hung out in Whole Earth for a little bit and bought me a new camelback water bottle (which i love!). I then pre-celebrated being done with finals with a yummy Chipotle burrito...and Lawd, it was delicious! After my final, I left for Houston to see my family/Chris and got to celebrate my amazing friend, Amanda's 21st birthday. That day was solid.

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I have no idea how to summarize my rec week successfully. I feel like if I had my computer while I was there, I could have easily blogged incredibly long entries each day. It was a perfect way to kick off my summer. I feel refreshed, renewed, and strangely excited about next fall. It was an awesome time to spend with the Lord, learn SO much about His unbelievable power, and have a ridiculous amount of fun with my fellow IVJMers. I think it would be easy to say that week was OOC.

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My summer has been a little bit all over the place so far. I've gone from Austin to Houston to Burnet to Austin to San Antonio (to celebrate my BFF, Patrick Farris' 21st birthday!) to Austin to Houston and back to Austin in two days. OUT OF CONTROL. Starting next week, I will hopefully be getting back into a routine of staying in town semi-most of the time.

Summer in Austin = sno beach (best snow cone stand in the world and the perfect cure to 100+ degree Texas heat), barton springs, biking, kayaking on Town Lake, Hamilton pools, hiking, picnics, bananarchy, and tons of other things I never get to do during the school year!

Yes, plz.

p.s. Can an incredibly flexible job fall in my lap magically?